By Joree Rose, LMFT and Dr. John Schinnerer
In Part 1 of this series, we explored the first two pillars of people pleasing: boundary struggles and excessive guilt. (If you missed it, [catch up here]).
Today, we’re diving into two more core challenges that keep people stuck in the cycle:conflict avoidance andthe fear of being alone. These are deep, emotional pain points—and if you resonate with them, you are not broken. You’re human. And more importantly, you can heal.
3. Conflict Avoidance: Keeping the Peace at Your Own Expense
Let’s be real: conflict is uncomfortable. It brings up fear, anxiety, vulnerability—and if you grew up in an environment where conflict led to shame, rejection, or emotional shutdown, it makes sense that you’d do anything to avoid it.
But here’s the hard truth: avoiding conflict doesn’t create peace.
It just creates silent suffering.
You end up saying “yes” when you mean “no.” You smile through gritted teeth. You hold it all in until it either leaks out sideways or explodes in moments you regret.
Conflict doesn’t have to be a battlefield. When approached with clarity and care, it can actually be a pathway to deeper understanding and more authentic connection.
💡Try this reframe: Conflict is not about who’s right or wrong—it’s about two people getting curious about their different experiences and needs.
If you’re afraid to speak up because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or rock the boat, remember this:
You’re allowed to have needs. You’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to tell the truth.
In fact, real intimacy depends on it.
4. The Fear of Being Alone: “If I Stop Pleasing, Will Anyone Stay?”
One of the sneakiest and most tender parts of the people pleasing pattern is this underlying fear:
If I stop showing up the way others expect me to… will they still love me?
So many women I work with carry this deep, hidden belief:
“If I start honoring myself, I’ll end up alone.”
Let’s pause and breathe here—because this fear is real, and it deserves compassion.
You may have been conditioned to believe that your value comes from being useful, agreeable, or easy to be around. So the idea of setting boundaries, saying “no,” or disrupting your role in a relationship can feel terrifying.
But here’s the powerful truth I want you to hear:
The people who truly love you want the real you—not the version of you who’s always saying yes just to keep them comfortable.
And yes, as you grow, some relationships may shift. That’s not a failure. That’s clarity. That’s healing. That’s space being made for relationships that are more aligned with who you are becoming.
✨Gentle reminder: Loneliness isn’t always a sign that you’re doing something wrong. Sometimes, it’s a sacred pause—a space for your true self to emerge and be seen.
This Is the Work of Coming Home to Yourself
Breaking out of people pleasing isn’t about becoming cold, hard, or indifferent.
It’s about becoming real. It’s about learning to value your voice, your needs, your emotions—just as much as you’ve been taught to value everyone else’s.
And I promise: the more you show up authentically, the more magnetic you become. Not because you’re performing or over-giving, but because you radiate a truth and groundedness that others can feel.
In Part 3, we’ll explore:
The resentment that builds when your needs stay buried
How to finally recognize (and honor!) your own desires, feelings, and truth
And what it really looks like to reclaim your joy, energy, and self-trust
Because this isn’t just about healing people pleasing.
It’s about learning how to be in relationship with yourself—with kindness, honesty, and courage.
Feeling seen? Here’s where to go next:
💃 For my programs and 1:1 coaching for women ready to stop self-abandoning and start showing up fully:
👉 JoreeRose.com
🧠 For John’s executive coaching high-performance work with men (because burnout doesn’t care how successful you are):
👉 GuideToSelf.com
💔 For our powerful couples work that helps love go the distance:
👉 LoveIsntEnough.net
🎧 Want more real talk? Tune in to our podcasts:
👉 TheEvolvedCaveman.com
👉 LoveIsntEnough.net
👉 Journey Forward With Joree Rose
You are worthy of a life that includes you.
Stay tuned for Part 3—we’re just getting to the good stuff.
Let’s evolve. Together!
