By Joree Rose, LMFT & Dr. John Schinnerer
In this three-part series, we’ve been peeling back the layers of people pleasing—a pattern that so many of us learned as a survival strategy, especially in relationships where love felt conditional.
If you’ve been following along, you’ve explored:
Why boundary setting is essential (Part 1)
How guilt and conflict avoidance keep you stuck (Part 2)
And today, we’re diving into two final pieces of the puzzle: resentment and reconnecting with your own needs.
This is where the real transformation begins.
5. Resentment: The Emotional Buildup You Can’t Ignore
Resentment is often the emotional “receipt” of people pleasing.
You give and give and give, hoping it will be enough. You keep the peace. You don’t rock the boat. You swallow your truth.
And eventually… it catches up to you.
Resentment builds when you betray yourself to take care of others. It’s the quiet anger that surfaces when your generosity isn’t acknowledged, when others take without giving back, or when you realize you’ve been on autopilot—meeting everyone’s needs but your own.
💡 Resentment isn’t selfish—it’s a signal.
It’s your body saying: “Hey, something’s out of alignment here. You’ve been invisible for too long.”
And yet, so many women feel ashamed of their resentment. But here’s the shift: instead of judging it, get curious about it. Resentment can be your greatest teacher if you let it guide you back to yourself.
Ask yourself:
Where have I been saying “yes” when I really meant “no”?
What boundaries have I been afraid to set?
Where have I been hoping someone would read my mind instead of expressing my needs directly?
Healing starts with honesty.
6. Reclaiming Your Needs: Coming Home to What You Really Want
This is one of the hardest (and most liberating) steps: learning to identify and honor your own needs.
When you’ve spent a lifetime attuning to everyone else, you can forget what your own desires even sound like. You might feel numb, disconnected, or unsure of what you want—because you’ve never really been asked. Or maybe you stopped asking yourself.
But your needs are not a burden.
They are not “too much.”
They are not selfish.
They are part of your humanity.
And honoring them is how you begin to feel whole.
✨ Reframe this as a loving act: Tuning into your needs isn’t about taking from others. It’s about finally including yourself in the equation of your life.
Start small:
What brings you joy?
What drains you?
What would you do today if you weren’t trying to please anyone?
This is your invitation to stop waiting for permission. You are allowed to know yourself. You are allowed to choose yourself. You are allowed to live in alignment with what feels true.
The Truth About Healing People Pleasing
Here’s the thing: people pleasing isn’t just a habit—it’s a deep nervous system pattern wired around safety and belonging. And unlearning it requires time, compassion, and support.
But every time you set a boundary, choose rest, speak your truth, or say “no” without apologizing—you are rewriting that pattern. You are building a new relationship with yourself, one rooted in trust, authenticity, and self-love.
You don’t have to burn everything down to stop people pleasing.
You just have to start showing up—with more presence, more truth, and more self-honoring choices.
You can be kind and still have boundaries.
You can be compassionate and still speak up.
You can love deeply without losing yourself.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If this series resonated with you, it’s because you’re ready. Not just to understand your patterns—but to shift them.
💃 For coaching, courses, or retreats that help women move from burnout and invisibility to embodied joy:
👉 JoreeRose.com
💔 For couples work that bridges the gap between love and lasting connection:
👉 LoveIsntEnough.net
🧠 For top notch executive coaching and emotional fitness training for men a la Dr. John:
👉 GuideToSelf.com
🎧 And for honest, insightful conversations about what it means to evolve beyond mere instinctual survival patterns:
👉 TheEvolvedCaveman.com
You were never meant to live a life where you disappear.
This is your time to reappear—to rise, reclaim, and return to yourself.
We see you. We honor you. And we’re cheering you on every step of the way. Let’s evolve. Together.
